My 40th birthday is soon approaching... like, SOON.
It's not supposed to be a big deal, and I refuse to give it the credence that tradition demands - other than to reflect upon another 'milestone' birthday from a looooong time ago.
My 21st birthday. Wowsa. Come on, that's like the biggest of the biggest, no? Time to drink!
I was still in college at FSU - a four year journey destined to be carried out on the 5 1/2 year plan. I was in a fraternity, Sigma Phi Epsilon. Speee-Weee. Sigma Fag Hair-Salon, etc. Whatever - it had many names (and most of which were in hindsight oddly appropriate). A couple of other guys in the house had the same birthday as me and were also turning 21. COOL!
So we did the Tennessee Waltz.
To the uninitiated, the Tennessee Waltz takes place on Tennessee St, which is/was the main bar drag right off of campus. You can literally drink bar-to-bar, door-to-door - and keep on going till you've had your fill. It's tons of fun no matter the cause! Or not.
I think we started out at a place called the 'Pub' (no longer in existence) and went next to Poor Paul's Pour House. Neat name, neat t-shirts for sale. Not so neat outcome.
Anyway, we were having drinks at Pour Pauls. Picture a flash of ID's, a round of smiles, and a group consensus of "It's great to be 21!!" FINALLY! I soooo fit in with these guys. My frat brothers! Yeah, you can see it coming... I went to the head, came out after doing what needed to be done, and they were gone. But not just 'gone', gone. GONE. They ditched me.
I spent my 21st birthday alone on the street, crying into a pay-phone to I don't remember who. Maybe it was my sister, maybe it was Tracy - she knows who she is. It almost seems strange that the world still had pay-phones back then. Even stranger that I relied upon them in a time of need. Point is, I got ditched by those whom I thought cared. It was a big lesson - namely that no one really cares about you when it comes to themselves. I presume to this day that they either found a better deal or just wanted to ditch the misfit. What was I thinking to belive that buying a membership in a fraternity could magically give me instant friends? I didn't fit in. I just WANTED to.
Friendships can't be bought, or crafted, or honed. They just happen. You take them as they come and accept them for what they are.
And then there's my 40th. The invites have been sent, and the caterer has been paid. Who's going to come? Will my best friend make it, or was he all talk? Will I care if he/they don't show? Are they gonna ditch me? Do I care?
There's no pay-phones anymore, so I better be ready to reach out to just me. That and maybe sometimes it's just better to drink alone.
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